I Want To Look Inside Your Head is a photograph by Juli Scalzi
So much of this year (since I am a mom, I count by school calendar) has been emotional and taxing.
Not only in our personal lives but in the world around us at large, The mixture of devastating blows with uplifting and inspiring moments have made the past months a roller coaster.... Yes, we have a morally corrupt leader who legitimately not know what he's doing in office, yet never in all my life have I been so inspired by my peers drive and fire to stand up and fight against what they know is wrong and band together in the most awe-inspiring ways.
I believe I have mentioned here, for me, emotionally this year is interesting because I have my youngest son in Kindergarten and my oldest son is now 3 months away from finishing elementary school altogether. This is one of those heartbreak mixed with pride moments that only a Mama can understand. How in the world do our babies grow up so fast?
I was asking Erin last night.... Could I have postpartum depression 6 years after having my last baby? - Of course, I looked it up, you can actually have postnatal depression at least 4 years after having a baby, even without previous signs.
What I really think is that the "baby blues" never really completely go away.... Every moment of our lives is dedicated to our children, even if I am not physically with them they are always in the foremost of my thoughts. Watching children grow up is both a source of tremendous pride and also somewhat like watching your favorite balloon float away.
I am fortunate enough to be close with my boys, we have a wonderful and open relationship... I really consider my almost 11-year-old to be the best and most lively company, we have long meaningful talks and he knows he can say anything and ask me anything -
What more could a Mama ask for as her child approaches young adulthood? But it is still scary, How do you mamas of teenagers not just live in constant fear?! The world is so scary!
Maybe that's what the mama blues are, the nagging feeling like you can't protect your kids from everything in the world you want to protect them from.... They will have their hearts broken, they will be bullied and treated badly at some point, by someone, they will have accidents & make poor choices even though you've taught them better... Maybe it's just that scary unknown.
This school year is almost over, 3 months and counting until summer break! It went by so fast & I have a feeling once those long baby years are over, everything just flys by. Ready or not.