The coolest mom....
There are many reasons we think Tina Fey is probably the coolest mom.
If you were her kid:
1. She is so wickedly funny and smart you know the conversations you could have with her would be amazing.
2. You would get to have your mom's BFF Amy Poehler for an Aunt. Who you would get to bitch to about your mom when she wasn't being so wickedly funny and cool. *Because as mom's we know Mother's need to be a real nag sometimes or you aren't doing the job right.
But mostly we know Tina is the coolest because of this, a few years ago she wrote a prayer for her daughter and posted it on the internet. It spread like wild fire and I think pretty much everyone we know saw it and loved it. Just in case you didn't here it is.
First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.
May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.
When the Crystal Meth is offered, May she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer.
Guide her, protect her
When crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.
Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels.
What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.
May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.
Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen. Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.
O Lord, break the Internet forever, That she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.
And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.
And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back.
“My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.
I am ashamed to say we didn't come out unscathed from all of Tina's worst fears. I have a Japanese symbol on my back and trust me kids, it hurts WAY more to have them removed then to get them done in the first place.
But I digress... Lets not talk about our mistakes! Let's talk about Tina's accomplishments. Thank you Tina for being a smart, funny, business minded role model for the next generation of girls. For being a role model for your own generation! We salute you and everything you have done.
Give us a call if you want to adopt us... We will be waiting.
XOXO- Things We Heart